Lafarge makes wonderful Volnay, and Volnay can be terribly beautiful. Some journalists have commented that Lafarge makes inconsistent wines, but I feel they make these comments because they don't understand the ageing profile of Burgundy. It is not always time to drink Burgundy, sometimes you need to wait. This was another remarkable bargain from Bryne's in Clitheroe.

Volnay "Vendanges Selectionees" 2002, Domaine Michel Lafarge
A charming, scented nose of strawberry and cherry fruit; this smells highly attractive. The fruit is very pure and there is a subtle earthiness to it which adds to its complexity. The palate is soft and fruity, with a reasonable amount of acidity to it which makes the fruit bright and the wine lively. For a village wine this has a lot of class, style and beauty. It is drinking very well now, but has a good future ahead of it is you can be arsed to cellar it for 5-or-so years. Lovely Volnay.

When I was last chatting to my chums Jeremy and Gernot about my trip to Alsace they suggested that they could not see the point of Pinot Gris. I couldn't agree less. OK, if you get a flabby, sugar-laced offering from someone like Zind-Humbrecht it can be difficult to match with food; indeed I'd go as far as saying Pinot Gris like that are bloody hard to drink. However, drier, more balanced offerings with good acidity can match food very well. This bottle will slip down a treat with the chicken in cider I am cooking. It has weight, but lively acidity and minerality; a good match for the rich flavours in the food. I do agree that Alsace Riesling is often the way forward, but to dismiss Pinot Gris is a mistake; pleasure takes many forms.

Pinot Gris Grand Cru Brand 2006, Domaine Albert Boxler
A lovely, charming nose of ripe, peachy fruit with a backbone of good minerality. This smells fleshy and very attractive, which a good measure of complexity. The palate is basically dry, with plenty of pleasing fruit, very good acidity for a wine of this scale and damned-good vineyard character. The Brand Grand Cru is a top site for Pinot Gris, and Jean Boxler has extracted the very best quality from it for this wine. Of course, it needs drinking within the next 18 months or so; Pinot Gris doesn't age. I suppose if that was the point the Jeremy and Gernot were trying to make I'd have to agree, but I don't think the point of a wine rests with its longevity.

Starting on 27 September there is a Sarah-Jane Selwood exhibition at the Inspires gallery in Oxford. This gallery opened after I moved out of Oxford, so I cannot guarantee the quality of it. However, I'll be visiting after lunch on the day it opens, just to look at her latest work rather than necessarily buy anything. I hope there is plenty of good stuff to fondle.

When I tried this chez Pibarnon the winemaker was highly amused that I said it was sexy. It is sexy, I tell you!

Bandol 2001, Chateau de Pibarnon
A rich, heady nose of ripe, complex fruit. This is packed with style, and is really voluptuous on the nose; deeply, deeply lovely. I am really charmed by this; it may be a bit on the big side but it does not lack finesse or class. The palate has a truly lovely tannic structure, which frames the beautiful fruit in a really pleasing way. This is really too young to be drinking, but by arse does it put a smile on my face. Tits Bandol, man, with not even the merest hint of arseholes. Yeah, power up!

I thought I may as well write up one of tonight's wines as I decant it so I don't have to disappear in front of the computer for quite so long when my guests arrive. It is always a treat to drink Noel 'Papa' Verset's Cornas.

Cornas 1999, Noel Verset
A rich, ripe nose of dark fruit with a hint of stemminess. There is some real earthy complexity to the nose, which is highly attractive. The overall impression of the nose is that it is multi-dimensional and deeply compelling. This is serious kit. The palate has some slightly rustic Cornas tannins, but generally is as smooth as silk socks and as refined as super-unleaded. Really ripe fruit, yet not in the slightest bit over-blown. This has quite a lot of class and wonderful harmony; I am finding it highly enjoyable. This is up for drinking now (with great pleasure), and I am sure it will continue to provide smiles for another five or more years if you have the cellaring capability. To think that a wine this desirable was sitting on Byrne's shelf for a mere fifteen notes; a super bargain.

I was in Lancashire last weekend for a wedding to two lovely friends of mine. We paid a visit to the amusingly named town of Clitheroe to go to the excellent wine merchant D. Byrne. It was filled with an embarrassment of riches which were generally very reasonably priced. My chum Jeremy Seysses saw this wine on the shelf and told me I should buy it as it had rave reviews from some American journalists. It was only £13 so I thought why not? When I had paid I noticed it was 16.5% alcohol and so I challenged Jeremy, who I know to be a lover of beautiful wines, on why he had recommended lighter-fuel for me try. He came clean and said he knew I would hate it, but he likes to read my torrents of invective about horrible wines. He had knowingly got me to buy despicable wine. Thanks, Jeremy, thanks a bunch. So do I hate it? Read on...

Shiraz "The Boxer" 2006, Mollydooker
By arse, I've smelled less confected jam than this. This smells of alcohol, wood and jammy fruit; it is depressingly simple and horrifically overblown. Smelling this for more than a couple of seconds burns my nose. There is nothing even remotely attractive about its aromas. No. Oh no. Really, no. For fuck's sake, the palate is truly horrible. Sweet, flabby, painfully alcoholic; how can people like shit like this? It is vile filth. OK, if you want monster-get-pissed-fast, soupy, unbalanced, sweet mouthwash, this will do. If you think wine should have redeeming qualities like elegance, style and, let us be honest, drinkability, you'll find this as offensive as I am as I try to choke back enough to write this tasting note.

Which leaves us wondering what sort of wine journalism recommends this kind of crap. I am reminded of how I used to chose girlfriends whilst at university. Tall or short, beautiful or ugly, clever or stupid, it didn't matter to me as long as they had big tits. That was all that mattered - huge bouncers. Of course, this is a terrible way of viewing women, just as viewing over-ripe monstrosities like this as the pinnacle of wine-making is a shameful view of wine. Complexity, style and balance are to be applauded, and simple, booze-tastic, beasts are to be pilloried. I am disgusted to think that someone could recommend something as shamefully crap as this.

Picking the best bottle I own is more problematic than deciding that Mambourg from Deiss is horrible; what constitutes the best?

Heroic formats can be compelling. I have a jeroboam of Pommard Premier Cru Clos des Epeneaux 1999 which is just a hilarious thing to own. It will provide a lot of pleasure on a dim and distant birthday celebration.

Rarity may also lead one to cherish a bottle. I have a magnum of Nuits Saint Georges Premier Cru aux Thorey 2005 from Domaine Dujac. This was the only vintage of this wine Dujac made, so it is as rare as hen's teeth. Having it in a magnum is particularly pleasing.

The most compelling reason to choose a favourite wine is probably sheer quality. I have a bit of a thing for 2001 red Burgundy and have some shit-hot bottles from this vintage. Domaine Dujac Clos Saint Denis and Bonnes Mares are two of the best Dujac wines I've been lucky enough to try. I tell you, man, they are buttock-bitingly good. My only bottle of Domaine de la Romanee Conti wine, La Tache, comes from this vintage. I am yet to taste it, so whilst I am convinced it will be top bunny, I cannot really call it my favourite wine.

Which brings me to Musigny 2001 from Freddie Mugnier. I've had some mind-bendingly good Musigny from M. Mugnier, the 1999 and 2005 were utterly, utterly beautiful and charged with charm and complexity. However the 2001 had an extra dimension of unadulterated loveliness, which left me deeply moved. I've only got one bottle of this wine which will cause much thought about when to crack it open, but it is, as far as I am concerned, the best wine I own.

In the early nineties Jean-Michel Deiss was making spell-binding, exciting, thrilling Riesling; I snapped up all I could find and afford. Then, for some presumably psychotic reason, he decided that Riesling wasn't good enough on its own. He turned his interest to making field blends of different grape varieties, picking, fermenting and ageing them together. These wines have always been repulsively disgusting; they have confused flavours and unsatisfactory ageing profiles. They are also distractingly laced with residual sugar. I feel Jean-Michel has let down all the fans of his very best wines by producing such filth.

At my last tasting chez Deiss I hated every wine we tried, and I have to say I didn't take to the man himself largely because of the crap he spewed justifying his bonkers wine-making philosophy. One of the wines we tried was notably horrible, the 2000 Mambourg Grand Cru blend. It was oxidised and lacking any form of character that one would hope to be charmed by. Deiss himself claimed that this was the best wine he had ever made. Totally bonkers, I tell you. But not as hat-stand as me, it turns out. When I saw a bottle of this on a wine merchant's shelf I committed an act of pure insanity and purchased it.

I blame this screamingly butt-hole-crazy action on a residual degree of respect for M. Deiss; after all he had made some of the best Alsace Riesling I have had. But this is not really a good enough excuse. I'd tried the wine and it was mind-bendingly horrible. I have to stand up and say I made a horrific mistake and thrown good money away. I am worthy only of mockery for having purchased this shameful travesty of a wine. I'll age the wine as long as Deiss said it would last (15-20 years! Ha! What a twat) and pour it with the knowledge that I'll have opened and finally got rid of the worst bottle of wine I will ever own.

Clos Vougeot Grand Cru 2001, Domaine Rene Engel: Snap up these deeply affordable and high quality wines from the late, lamented M. Engel whilst you still can. This is a great wine for the price. £59 from Hand-Picked Burgundy.

Morey Saint Denis Premier Cru Les Loups 1999, Domaine des Lambrays: A long-time favourite of mine, up for drinking with a lot of pleasure. £34 from Hand-Picked Burgundy.

Champagne Cuvee 731, Jacquesson: A top NV Champagne. Jacquesson make some damned good fizz. £28.69 from Noel Young Wines.

Riesling Grand Cru Sommerberg L31E 2004, Domaine Albert Boxler: It has been a couple of years since I last had this, but it is undoubtedly a top wine that anyone would be pleased to own. £25.14 from Noel Young Wines.

Pinot Blanc 'B' 2005, Domaine Albert Boxler: I admit this is reasonably expensive for a Pinot Blanc, but this hails from the Brand Grand Cru so is quite a lot more serious than your general Pinot Blanc. £14.95 from Lay and Wheeler.

Yes, it is another Sarah-Jane Selwood bowl. This is only a little one, with a very pleasing ice-crackle glaze. I am told it is called Falling Counterpoint 1. It is nice to have a good little piece again; the bloody cat broke my last ones.

An excellent bottle from the much-missed Philippe Engel. He made extremely good wines and didn't charge the earth for them.

Echezeaux Grand Cru 1999, Domaine Rene Engel
By arse this has a very perfumed nose; it smells a lot. Really stylish exotic fruit, spice and a rich earthiness. This has serious class and serious complexity on the nose, and it is very attractive too. This is a serious bottle of wine, alright. The palate is very refined, with ripe tannins, lovely, lovely exotic fruit and a rich minerality. You cannot help but be compelled by the style and charm this has in abundance. This is drinking very well now, but will easily last another decade. A really top bottle that delivers in so many ways.

This may not be the most grand of the Dujac wines I've been lucky enough to try over the past 15 or so years, but by arse we are finding one hell of a lot pleasure in this. This is a tits offering at a basic level; Alec Seysess' recommendation was spot on.

Chambolle-Musigny 2005, Dujac Fils et Pere
What a lovely nose, plenty of charming fruit and a quite attractive aroma of oak. I suppose this has not seen that much new oak, but that which it has seen has improved it greatly. I think the fruit and style are very Chambolle. I try to avoid buying Burgundy in the UK, but my mood would be lifted if I saw this on a winemerchant's shelf.

I've never really thought that Leitz wine age so well, but this is reasonably attractive. Better when it was just released, though.

Riesling Spatlese Rudesheimer Magdalenenkreuz 2002, Weingut Leitz
The nose is a tad dirty, but there is a reasonable amount of grapefruit fruit present. It smells nice enough, but is lacking dimension. Nice fruit on the palate, but again it is quite one dimensional. It is just about interesting enough to be above sub-interest, but ageing it was a waste of time. Drink them young, boys and girls.

Gentaz-Dervieux was the great old man of the Cote-Rotie. I feel privileged to have had many vintages from the 70s and 80s whilst at Oxford (many thanks to Paul Day who seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of serious vintages), and tasting this brings back all of those happy memories. 1991 is a top Cote-Rotie vintage and with a producer of this caliber one can legitimately expect style, class and vivacity. It does not disappoint.

Cote-Rotie "Cote Brune" 1991, Gentaz-Dervieux
By arse this smells good! Mature, soft fruit, pepper and rich earthiness are very strongly present on the nose which is about as beautiful and elegant as one could possibly ask of Cote-Rotie. Really complex as well. The elegance is assisted by the low relatively low alcohol, this is not one of those over-blown Cote-Roties some people make, but it is a true vision of restrained loveliness. The palate has some Cote Brune manliness to the tannins, but the main impression one gets from this is that it is a subtle, deeply refined wine that sucks you in to enjoy its manifold pleasures. And how I am enjoying them. This is a wonderful wine that is up for drinking now, it is mature yet still lively. I'm smitten.

Lawks, it has been a while since I last popped a bottle and wrote it up. I hope you forgive the hiatus.

Chassagne-Montrachet Premier Cru les Caillerets 2006, Marc Colin et Fils
The nose has a strong Chassagne flat-Champagne character which is most pleasing. There is some oak on the nose, but it is by no means over-whelming. Nice lemony fruit here as well. It smells really quite satisfying; a fresh, fruity, fun concoction. The palate has a nice depth of flavour, with plenty of lemony fruit and creamy minerality. The acidity is nicely balanced and lively. This is showing really well for such a young wine. OK, I admit it may be lacking a hint of complexity, but it is quite typical and for general drinking you cannot go far wrong with this.